Matt Krohn | USA TODAY Sports

The Giants beat the Vikings to advance to the NFC Divisional Round, and I’m really not happy about it at all.

Let me offer some further context. I am not a Giants nor a Jets fan. While Big Blue’s fans were celebrating their upset win, I was watching my poor, unfortunate Ravens get in their own way and lose to the Bengals.

But outside the city in a quiet hamlet of Long Island suburbia, two middle-aged men who I call family were ecstatic. These are my two uncles, who still proudly own Rodney Hampton and Carl Banks jerseys and are collectively the Giants version of Joe Benigno depending on what they’re drinking on game day.

And now that the Giants have defeated the Vikings, this is my playoff reality. Every day leading up to Saturday’s tilt in Philadelphia will be the same. Brian Daboll should use strategy X because Jalen Hurts will obliterate the defense. Odell Beckham Jr. should be signed today and start immediately. Plus the old favorite: Tom Coughlin should still be the one in charge despite Daboll’s success.

My aunts are patient, patient women for dealing with these two for 30-plus years. They’re married to two grown, smart, college-educated men. They even owned and operated two equally successful businesses once. Surely they all deserve peace, quiet, and quality time for the rest of their lives, right?

Not during football season, apparently. Instead of quiet morning coffees on the patio or by the pool, they get raging at Newsday. Forget day trips, walks, or other activities. Afternoons are for Colin Cowherd and his can’t-miss NFL analysis. The best they can hope for is either man falling asleep midway through and having some calm until dinner.

Oh, and how about their constantly peppering their nephew sports writer with questions about the Giants when they know full well he really only covers the Yankees and Knicks? I’d include excerpts from the literal volumes of text threads I have between the three of us, but the two devoted readers who are my parents have respectfully asked everyone remain anonymous.

But anyway, this is my family’s reality during football season. It’s too bad Eli Manning didn’t win consecutive Super Bowls. Maybe the whining would have been less then. If Daniel Jones raises the Lombardi Trophy, I can hope and dream it goes away forever.

That’s wishful thinking and even I know it. The usual Giants discourse would just change if they win Super Bowl LVII. Jones deserves a fully guaranteed contract and Saquon Barkley does too. Screw the salary cap. Who needs it anyway, right? Joe Schoen can figure it out while he’s planning Daboll’s statue.

All complaining aside, I’m actually very happy for the Giants and their fans. This was an exciting year and they should enjoy every second of it. I’m just annoyed two of their most annoying fans happen to be my relatives. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m crawling back under my Ravens rock and forgetting Tyler Huntley exists.

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Josh Benjamin has been a staff writer at ESNY since 2018. He has had opinions about everything, especially the Yankees and Knicks. He co-hosts the “Bleacher Creatures” podcast and is always looking for new pieces of sports history to uncover, usually with a Yankee Tavern chicken parm sub in hand.