Aroldis Chapman just did a bad Vladimir Guerrero Jr. impression

Hey, remember Aroldis Chapman before he lucked into this portion of his career? The Chapman who was one of baseball’s best hard-throwing closers before he suddenly lost the strike zone and then his job before he threw a hissy fit and left the team before the playoffs in 2022.

Clearly, despite having revived his career and won a second World Series ring since, the Yankees still live rent free in the guy’s head. Chapman recently appeared on the “Swing Completa” podcast and celebrated Festivus early with some Yankees grievances. He was asked if he’d ever return to New York and he made it very clear: Not happening.

“No way, not even dead,” Chapman said in Spanish. “”If I were told that I was being traded to New York, I’d pack my things and go home. I’ll retire right on the spot if that happens. I’m not crazy. Never again,” before going on to criticize the organization.

For context, Aroldis Chapman posted a career-high 1.17 ERA with 32 saves for the Red Sox last season. He will turn 38 during spring training and should easily re-sign with Boston in free agency. His exit from the Yankees in 2022 was fairly ugly, with him basically leaving the team before the playoffs after losing his closer’s job to Clay Holmes in the regular season.

But look at that comment: “No way, not even dead.”

Sound familiar? Because it should. The same was uttered by none other than Toronto Blue Jays slugger Vladimir Guerrero Jr. when asked if he’d ever play in the Bronx. Almost four years ago.

Granted, dumb as Vlady’s “personal thing for me and my family” may sound, it’s at least grounded in something that may or may not have happened.

Aroldis Chapman, by comparison, just sucked at his job.

Granted, that wasn’t always the case, but let’s not forget that Chapman was something of a pariah when the Yankees acquired him from the Reds in 2016. A domestic violence incident saw him suspended for the first 30 games of the season, but Chapman pitched well once he returned. So well that general manager Brian Cashman traded his star closer to the Cubs that summer for prospects. Then, in the offseason, Chapman re-signed with the Yankees on a five-year deal.

And guess what? New York remembers Chapman’s lows more than his highs. Like his annual summer meltdowns where neither his fastball nor slider were working, yet he remained the closer. How about giving up the Pennant-clinching home run to Astros nemesis Jose Altuve in the 2019 ALCS, not a full inning after DJ LeMahieu’s homer helped the Yankees tie the score?

And who can forget 2020? Aroldis Chapman, after a streaky season, gave up the series-clinching home run to Tampa Bay’s Mike Brosseau in Game 5 of the ALDS. Cut to an ineffective and injury-riddled 2022, and this is the player who pitches a fit and leaves when the Yankees wouldn’t guarantee him a playoff roster spot?

Look, I get it. The Yankees didn’t handle Chapman the best in 2022. Holmes was clearly the new closer, and the Yankees held onto Chapman and basically Jacoby Ellsbury’d him that year. Hindsight being 20/20, Cashman should have done the classy thing and traded him to a contender. Or just give him his release with thanks and a handshake.

Except…were teams even interested? Remember, Chapman was so bad at that point that nobody could have anticipated his comeback. Any return package would have peaked at a low-A bullpen arm.

What’s more, Aroldis Chapman did the whole thing of praising his teammates and manager Aaron Boone. He even went so far as to call Boone “a friend of mine,” but the front office?

“I dealt with a lot of disrespect [with the Yankees],” Chapman said. “I put up with a lot of things. I knew that they just wanted to find a way to get rid of me, but they didn’t know how. And I just dealt with it quietly, kept playing, and doing what I always do.”

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. did it better. He’s at least got something resembling an actual beef. Chapman really just sounds salty over not being traded, bought out, or released when the Yankees knew they were done with him.

Who knows? Maybe he’ll finally think he’s won the breakup if he gets his 400th save with Boston next year.