Sam Darnold throws two touchdowns in a win against the Oakland Raiders.
(Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images)

New York Jets quarterback Sam Darnold “partying,” as reported by Page Six, is the non-story of the century.

Robby Sabo

Wake up, eat breakfast, head for 1 Jets Drive, play a little football, watch a little film, lift some weights, drive home, eat dinner, watch Netflix, go to sleep at 10 p.m. ET; this is the hilariously authentic mindset fans possess when envisioning their favorite player’s daily routine.

The talent and dedication needed to play at the professional level, especially the NFL, creates disturbing assumptions about human beings. They must be robots. How else could somebody make it this far?

It’s why, when any high-profile athlete is spotted painting the town red, opportunity awaits. Introducing Page Six, one of the many famed TMZ types that can’t wait to get its hands on a public story.

According to Oli Coleman of Page Six, New York Jets‘ quarterback Sam Darnold got “wasted” and “hooked up with a girl” Saturday night after his team’s dominant 34-3 victory over the Oakland Raiders.

The source that contacted the famed section of the New York Post claims Darnold and teammates were spotted at Bounce Sporting Club in the Flatiron district.

“They were celebrating like they’d just won the Super Bowl,” said a spy on the scene. “Sam Darnold was wasted, hooking up with some girl. The other guys on the team had to [look after] him.”

“[There was] a limo driving him and the players around all night,” added the source.

In other news, Lamar Jackson is fast.

Seriously, this has to be the greatest non-story of the century.

Darnold is a 22-year-old kid not even two years removed from college. When he’s not celebrating a victory with a night out and a lady at his side is the only moment fans should start worrying.

The USC product performed brilliantly against the Raiders. He threw for 315 yards and two scores on an efficient 20-of-29 passing in the victory. Over the last three weeks, Darnold’s thrown seven touchdowns to just one interception.

The best news from the situation is the feel for the group. Page Six’s source claims Darnold’s teammates “protect him” while out.

“His team protects him — that’s the way they are on the field, and off it. He’s the franchise.”

Part of the reason for the night out was an early birthday celebration for cornerback Darryl Roberts, who turns 29 on Tuesday. Other Jets reportedly in attendance were Jamal Adams, Marcus Maye, Brian Poole and Trumaine Johnson.

Jets fans yearn for Sam Darnold-Joe Namath comparisons. Now, such comparisons can take a life of its own. Namath, of course, was a known partier who never shied away from the headlines. In fact, he embraced everything about the lifestyle, serving as one of the very few professional athletes fans were sure wasn’t a true robot disguised as a human being.

In one famous interview, as he played pool, Namath said, “I’m just trying to get by.”

Sam Darnold is as well. A night out with the boys (in a responsible manner) is a non-story on the level of, “Michael Jordan is good at basketball.”

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