The New York Yankees are forever connected to Alex Rodriguez. Sometimes that’s good, but usually, it’s awkward.
I wish I could forgive former New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez for taking steroids. It would make watching TV much easier.
The man known as A-Rod is everywhere these days, rarely failing to deliver awkward, foot-in-mouth moments. If he hadn’t partied down with PEDs, Yankees fans could own his embarrassing moments, claiming him as the modern Yogi Berra.
A perfect example is the recent viral video of Rodriguez almost convincing a girl that he’s just a guy who looks like the dude who dates Jennifer Lopez:
A-Rod plays this one wellpic.twitter.com/eo0QUElUfT
— Elite Sports NY (@EliteSportsNY) January 16, 2019
Remove the lying, cheating past from the equation, and this is just a fun video of a future Hall-of-Famer playing a prank. Instead, every time I start to smile, I remember the steroids and sadly move on with my life.
To make myself feel a little better for not being able to enjoy such videos, here’s a little list of the top-five A(wkward)-bombs from A-Rod in 2018.
Warning: May cause excessive cringing.
5. That time he spilled water on Jessica Mendoza
For some reason, ESPN decided it would be a good idea to stick A-Rod in the broadcast booth for their Sunday Night Baseball broadcasts. Cameras almost immediately caught him in an unusual predicament:
A-Rod was a three-time AL MVP, but for some reason has trouble opening water bottles. https://t.co/bewMU6Vch4 pic.twitter.com/92zKLMoitf
— Cut4 (@Cut4) April 2, 2018
I used to think A-Rod would have been a great hitter even without the steroids, but seeing him struggle with that water bottle made me rethink my hypothesis.
The look on his face when he first tried to open it is priceless. His expression seems to indicate that was either the first time he’d ever seen a water bottle, or J-Lo is the one who loosens all the tight lids in his house.
If nothing else, it’s a great anti-steroids ad.
4. That time he had a huge crush on Aaron Judge
It’s not just ESPN who views A-Rod as a valuable human resource. The MLB deployed him to do PR in London ahead of the Yankees-Red Sox series there in June.
Rodriguez chose an incredibly awkward way to promote America’s pastime to British sports fans, focusing on Aaron Judge’s physical attributes as he described the appeal of baseball to the Guardian’s Nick Miller:
“This guy is 280 pounds, he’s 6ft 7in, he’s under 10% body fat and he has an over 30-inch vertical jump. He will make baseballs look like golf balls. He’s this beautiful man, who’s big and strong and smart. If you can’t sell him, you can’t sell anyone.”
If you’re not picking up what I’m putting down here, go back and read the quote again. But this time, listen to that Celine Dion song from Titanic as you read.
That should do the trick.
3. That time he pandered to Red Sox fans
As A-Rod was doing the postgame show after Game 1 of the 2018 World Series, a sea of rabid Red Sox fans behind him raucously voiced their hatred of the former Yankee. Rather than ignoring them, A-Rod grabbed a Sox foam finger from Yankee killer David Ortiz and waved it at the crowd:
Last night, @AROD finally got Red Sox nation to give him some love! pic.twitter.com/qa7nNRO2nr
— FOX Sports: MLB (@MLBONFOX) October 24, 2018
He tried to save face by saying that the World Series would end up in the Bronx in 2019, but the damage was done. There will always be video footage of a dude who retired as a Yankee playing nice with the enemy at Fenway Park.
2. That time he begged Jason Varitek to not hit him
Here’s another doozy from the 2018 World Series. As the Red Sox celebrated their series win over the Los Angeles Dodgers, A-Rod was once again on the Fox Sports postgame show.
When Red Sox special assistant Jason Varitek walked over to celebrate with David Ortiz, A-Rod made everyone uncomfortable by bringing up the past. The two had a run-in during a July 2004 game, exchanging expletives and tussling after Rodriguez was hit by a pitch.
Varitek still HATES Arod pic.twitter.com/sJleAQpA4T
— Quigs (@BigSeanQ) October 29, 2018
“… He tried to kill me, 2004,” A-Rod said. When the ex-catcher took a seat, Rodriguez continued his cringe-worthy reminiscing by saying, “Jason, don’t punch me.”
A-Rod just told Varitek not to punch him! pic.twitter.com/VHbRZo0j9M
— JPS (@rsfpt) October 29, 2018
I’m not advocating violence, but a fistfight between the two former players would have been much less awkward to watch.
1. That time he wore a Red Sox uniform
That’s right. A-Rod wore a Red Sox uniform on TV for the world to see. It’s the worst thing he’s done since he lied repeatedly about taking steroids.
A-Rod had bet David Ortiz that the Yankees would beat the Red Sox in the 2018 ALDS. The loser of the bet had to put on the victorious team’s uniform and get doused in champagne by the winner of the wager.
[membership level="0"] [/membership]Now, I applaud A-Rod for believing in the Baby Bombers’ ability to overcome the top team in the American League. Still, it was a foolish bet to take. A-Rod knows baseball much better than I do, so he had to know that there was a very good chance he’d be donning Boston duds and embarrassing Yankees fans everywhere.
I’m not even going to post the video here. That’s how ashamed I am. But here’s a link, just in case you’re a sadist when it comes to being a Yankees fan.
In closing
Obviously, I’m pretty salty on the topic of A-Rod. He’s a giant stain on more than 50 percent of my years as a Yankees fan.
However, even worse than A-Rod are his enablers, the TV networks, and the MLB. It’s because of them that I hope A-Rod continues his nationally broadcast shenanigans.
And I’ll be over here doing play-by-play on every A-bomb from A-Rod like it’s the classic John Sterling home run call.
