Go ahead. Call me a “hater.” Tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. Tell me all about how great a two-way player he is and how good he is on the penalty kill. Feel free to spit his career +/- rating at me as evidence of all of this. Then tell me how he’s going to “wake up” and rise from the ashes of the worst season of his career, in phoenix-esque fashion to lead the Rangers on an historic run through the Stanley Cup Playoffs, proving me and all the rest of his critics wrong and proving YOU right. Be my guest.

On planet earth, populated by humans, NOT curiously talkative manifestations of your favorite Dungeons and Dragons creatures, rational people look at things like the fact that Nash has played 56 playoff games as a Ranger and has managed to amass a whopping 9 goals and 20 assists. The abacus tells me that amounts to 29 total playoff points. That’s under half a point-per-game and a paltry .16GPG average.

The only thing less inspiring about Nash’s on-ice performance is his almost complete lack of it anywhere else. Think about it: how many interviews have you ever seen him do? How many times is he quoted in the local sporting press that we read? Go ahead. Do a Google search for “Rick Nash Interviews,” I’ll wait… Yeah, the top three hits come back with date/time stamps from three separate YEARS. He’s a unicorn. He’s the Nashicorn!

As much as I hate to kick this hornet’s nest, there’s another guy with those kinds of numbers who plays a great two-way game, is always defensively responsible, is probably one of the best penalty-killers in the league and would’ve cost about half as much as Rick Nash: Carl “the Jitterbug” Hagelin.

No kidding. Minus out Hagelin’s rookie season and he had the same 56 games. Hags posted 12G/11A/23PTS. And he wasn’t a complete dud. He was fun to watch, media friendly and accessible to fans.

I’m sure Rick Nash is a very nice guy and a total professional. When he is on camera, he articulates himself with aplomb, he presents well and doesn’t come across as either taciturn or cocky. He just doesn’t do it that often and in this market, players have to have something for fans to grab onto or they get turned into chum for snarky, smart ass bloggers.

Bad news, Nash fans: Unicorns don’t exist, but duds do. Rick Nash is one of them. I dare him to prove me wrong.

Inquisitive, informed, hungry. Keenly interested intersection points where business, tech, society & politics and sports commingle. Unabashed fan of the NY Rangers, NY Yankees, NY Football Giants and Knicks.