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In defense of the Yankees fan using a hot dog as a straw

 

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This Yankees fan has set the internet ablaze after using a hot dog as a straw for his beer at Monday’s Subway Series win over the Mets. He is receiving a lot of hate for the move. And that is unfair.

We have never used a hot dog as a straw. We have never drank beer with a straw. And we have never used a hot dog as a straw to drink beer. That said, we cannot judge. People like what they like. If this works for this guy, he should feel free to do it in peace. Kudos to him for being confident enough to do this publicly.

Also: Do not rule out the possibility this is a brilliant workaround — and perhaps some social commentary? — for paper straws.

Look, we all love the environment. But taking away plastic straws while celebrities use their private jets to get from Burbank to Pasadena does little to save the world. And paper straws suck. The minute moisture hits them, they are on the clock. Which is a problem when an object’s sole purpose involves being hit with moisture on roughly 95% of its surface area. Give us plastic straws back.


This could be like when the best way to neutralize a dominant nose tackle is to just run the ball right at him at first. The paper straw is strong enough to withstand one or two quick spurts of blunt force trauma to core the hot dog. At which point it has done its job and the hot dog straw has been created. Now that’s some Real Men of Genius-level stuff.

Last thing: I’m digging the black watch Yankees cap. It looks like it’s a custom-made hat — I think there’s a special logo on the back — but it’s still fire.

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James Kratch can be reached at [email protected]

James Kratch is the managing editor of ESNY. He previously worked as a Rutgers and Giants (and Mike Francesa) beat reporter for NJ Advance Media.