Last week, the suffering ended when Jeff Hornacek finally got the ax as head coach for the New York Knicks. Let’s take a look at some of the texts that flooded his phone post-firing.
In my mind, Jeff Hornacek’s best case unemployment scenario includes an extravagant European trip with his family.
The man realizes that he’s still getting paid $5 million not to coach next year, and chooses to dine every night at five-star restaurants, eating caviar, Kobe beef and drinking 1959 Dom Perignon.
Yet, my worst case scenario is far more likely.
Hornacek’s facial expressions always symbolized a man who was one loss away from spending his Thursday night at the local pub, telling the regulars that Kristaps Porzingis owes his future success to him because he “got him to his first NBA All-Star Game.”
In all seriousness, losing your job is no joke. Hornacek was probably never the right man for this job but like most coaches, he worked hard, treated people with respect and handled himself with class, even in difficult situations.
If the fans didn’t recognize this, at least Hornacek’s daughter did, making her support for her father public with a heartfelt post via Instagram.
I am so proud of this guy for everything he accomplished over the last couple of seasons. A lot of people only saw what he did on the court, but we saw all of the 4am nights watching game film and the way he poured everything he had into this team. It’s the same way he pours everything he has into our family. My brother said it best…We get asked all the time who our “team is.” The Knicks? Jazz? Suns? It doesn’t matter because I’m team Hornacek and while people can only call him “Coach,” I get to call him “Dad.” I know wherever he lands next is going to be lucky to have him. On to the next adventure!
But enough with all the soft stuff, let the roasting begin, as we get into the top 10 texts Hornacek received after being fired.
10. Phil Jackson
(Texts using a burner phone from a remote location in the African Safari.)
“Jeff, I have limited time as the children of the Samburu tribe will only let me use their phone in exchange for MJ’s phone number. Listen, James Dolan has made us both rich, I mean really rich. Don’t sweat being unemployed, it’s great! I’ve cut myself off from all forms of technology and Western philosophy/idealism.
But let me get to the point. I have a job opportunity for you. Basketball in Africa is really taking off, and I want you to coach a youth team here. Yes, we’re running the triangle. No, you can’t draw up or run any of your plays. Let me know what you think!”
9. Scott Perry
“Jeff how’s it go- … ummm … Jeff you wouldn’t happen to have David Fizdale’s number would you?
8. Joakim Noah
“The Morris twins and I would like to extend an invitation to accompany us on a “Boys weekend” fishing trip. Just a couple of rules. 1) Don’t tell your wife and family where we’re going. 2) Leave your cell phone at home. And 3) Get ready for a ‘killer adventure.'”
“Jeff … you remember this? I imagine you’re probably not feeling so great these days. When I’m feeling blue, I make sure to watch this video over … and over … and over again. The 10-second mark replay is classic cinematography.”
6. Swin Cash
“Jeff, I’m really going to miss you. I can say that I genuinely enjoyed working with you, but what the HELL man?!?!?! This is like the fifth time we’ve had to change the title of our show.”
5. Derek Fisher
“At least you didn’t have Matt Barnes chase you around the neighborhood for a couple hours. Try telling the guys in the locker room how to ‘act professional’ after that fiasco.”
“Guess you won’t be making it to my exit meeting this year. LOL can’t you see the irony, I mean it’s funny ’cause I skipped my meeting last year, but you don’t even have that option … ’cause you’re not employed anymore.”
“Jeff, we didn’t always get along … but I never take joy in another’s man’s pain. I would like to take this opportunity to offer a motivational quote that I live by: Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime. Now, I don’t really know how that applies in this situation, but then again, you don’t really know how to coach either so … ”
2. Jarrett Jack
“When it was clear we weren’t going to make the playoffs, I was sure that my playing time was going to decrease. Yet, to my surprise, you started me and kept the young guys on the bench. To be honest, I really had no idea what you were doing, and then it became crystal clear….you were trying to give me more footage of my career highlights film. You’re the best!”
“Jeff, truth be told, I’m sad to see you go. In your honor, I came up with a classic ‘Clyde’ rhyme for you.”
“The Knicks were in the doldrums, so their coach had to go. They got off to an auspicious beginning, but it was all just a show. Bedeviled by poor play and losing the locker room, even his precocious neophyte could foresee this doom and gloom. Another lost season and a complete waste of time will have this ex-coach paying full-price for his meals, at Clyde’s Wine & Dine!”