New York Islanders head coach Jack Capuano made his annual New Years Resolution Thursday. (Satire)
***Note: this is intended to be funny. If you don’t find it funny, there will be no apologies provided.
By Justin Weiss
New York Islanders head coach Jack Capuano made his annual New Year’s Resolution Thursday, telling reporters that he will play Brian Strait more next year.
Strait, 27, is arguably the team’s best defenseman, Capuano argued. Despite possessing the worst CF% (Corsi For Percentage) on the club, he plays a sound game, Capuano said Thursday.
“We really haven’t done a very good job getting Brian involved out there,” the team’s coach said. “I love his battle level, you know. Here’s a kid who plays a very good all-around game.”
“We’ve got to get him more playing time.”
Isles fans embraced Capuano’s resolution. “You’ve gotta give it to him — he’s an awesome coach,” Chris Camslowly , who played for Capuano in both Bridgeport and Long Island, said. “He’s done a remarkable job with these line changes and in-game decisions.”
Additionally, Cappy told the media that he would make sure that Kyle Okposo plays alongside John Tavares for the remainder of the season, because the team “went 2-7 with Okie on his line.”
Barclays Center CEO Brett Yormark was also at the Morning Skate, and he agreed to answer a couple of questions.
When asked about his New Years resolutions, Yormark had an answer that fans of every age agreed with.
“My first resolution is to personally reward all of the wonderful security guards and stadium ushers,” Yormark said. “They do a remarkable job of keeping people safe and ensuring that the fans are satisfied with their experience at Barclays Center.”
“I would then place the SUV closer to the ice. It’s one of the most remarkable things about Barclays Center, and it really sets us apart.”
His final proposal?
“I don’t understand why people don’t flock to the limited view seats like Red Sox fans do with the Green Monster. I’ll need to grow the fanbase. That entails bringing back the LIRR goal horn. Some fans complained that it sounds like a dying monkey. I say that it’s my ringtone.”
This was intended to be satire. Don’t take seriously!