The New York Yankees are famous for two things: winning and shaving. So in the offseason, the players make it their mission to come as close to the woodsman look as possible.
Sure, the New York Yankees’ facial hair policy may be outdated. It may even be kind of annoying. It’s almost 2020.
Either way, the offseason is a time when Yankees players let their facial hair run free. As such, the offseason is the perfect and only time to rank the player’s beards.
10. Dellin Betances
The Yankees should have brought Dellin Betances back. Betances missed all but 0.2 innings of 2019; yet, even without him, the Yankees bullpen was absolutely lethal.
Alas, the Yankees lost No. 68 to the Mets on Christmas Eve. Nevertheless, the flamethrower can grow it out when given a chance.
Now, in Queens, he can do as he pleases from April through September (and, yes, October as well).
9. Clint Frazier
Red Thunder’s time with the Yankees has been a bit of a mixed bag. He’s carried the team with his bat while killing it with his defensive miscues. But none of that stresses out Clint Frazier. Clint Frazier is just chilling barefoot on the beach, letting his offseason beard run as wild as his bat speed.
Sure, negative people will say that Frazier looks like more of a leprechaun than he ever has before, but… and please forgive this pun: maybe 2020 will be the year Frazier finally finds his pot of baseball gold.
8. Gary Sanchez
Gary Sanchez’s beard is the perfect metaphor for his Yankees career. Really strong in some places, but kind of lacking in others.
Some weeks, Sanchez is by far the best hitter in baseball. Other weeks, he’s a steady diet of sliders away from fans begging for Austin Romine to take the starting job. Hopefully, in 2020, Yankees fans see more of thick off-season beard Gary instead of thin-offseason-beard Gary.
7. Gerrit Cole
The worst fear of all Yankees fans is that the source of Cole’s power originated from his beard. The Houston Astros allowed it to run as free as his triple-digit fastball. Now that Cole isn’t allowed to summon dark pitching magic from his beard, he’ll have to rely on his pure god-given talent.
It’s probably still enough to make him one of the best pitchers in baseball. There’s really no need to worry about his pitching ability without a beard. But just in case, here’s a picture of the last time Cole was seen with his offseason beard.
Gerrit Cole leaving his midtown hotel this morning, must be going to a barbershop 🤔🧐😂.
Welcome to the concrete jungle! pic.twitter.com/hqz4YteoaL
— BAT1STA (@BAT1STA) December 16, 2019
6. James Paxton
Look at this picture of James Paxton. The Big Maple in his natural habitat, out in the wild searching for Bald Eagles to tame.
Letting his offseason beard grow in his wilderness expeditions. Hopefully, he takes this dark, edgy attitude into the 2020 season even without his beard.
5. Matt Blake
Matt Blake is one of the newest additions to the Yankees staff. In Cleveland, he was allowed to let his beard run wild. His beard ran so wild that some wise Twitter users even compared him to Haley Joel Osment.
Blake is going to be front and center of the Yankees after the addition of Gerrit Cole to the pitching staff. He should enjoy his beard while he can before being thrown into the harsh fires of the New York media.
Oh so this what Haley Joel Osment’s been up to since the “I see dead people” thing
Welcome to the Yankees @Blake_Matt pic.twitter.com/45AvyIRTUs
— James Kelly (@jkellyESNY) November 8, 2019
4. Gleyber Torres
And here we all thought Gleyber Torres wasn’t even old enough to grow a good beard. After all, he’s only 23. And even though saying “Gleyber Torres is only 23” doesn’t have the same ring to it as saying “Gleyber Torres is only 22,” he’s still wildly young to have had as much success as he’s had.
He’s also wildly young to be able to grow such a solid offseason beard.
3. Mike Ford
I have absolutely no idea what kind of offseason workout Mike Ford is doing here. All I know is that it requires core strength and flexibility that I can’t even imagine possessing.
But in addition to weird offseason workouts, Ford is also rocking a heck of an offseason beard.
2. CC Sabathia
This ranking comes from a place of pure denial that CC Sabathia isn’t actually on the Yankees anymore. Sabathia’s career has been marked by hall of fame success and sneaking ways to keep his five o’clock shadow on start days.
Now that it’s the offseason, CC has plenty of time to grow out his beard. Of course, he’ll definitely have to shave it for spring training since he’s definitely coming back for 2020… right?
1. Mike Tauchman
OK, I’ll admit it: it’s possible that the fluffy dog in this picture may be impacting the rankings. But either way, Tauchman’s beard is absolutely solid, and it’s on full display in this picture with the fluffy dog that may (definitely) be bumping the Sockman up the list.