Brett Gardner, Aaron Boone
ESNY Graphic, AP Photo

Player’s Weekend is right around the corner and the New York Yankees released their list of nicknames. Well, let’s just say there are quite a few missed opportunities.

Allison Case

The New York Yankees are all about tradition. They live it, they breathe it, they love it. So when Players’ Weekend rolls around, it’s a shock to the system.

Yankees players can wear whatever they want? They can don hilariously crafted cleats? They can sport names on the back of their jerseys? No, this can’t be true. It’s not the way of the New York Yankees.

Well, traditionalists better turn off the television and disconnect from the baseball world from August 23-25.

While the monochromatic jerseys are distasteful, to say the least, at least we get to be entertained by player-selected nicknames that perfectly represent these guys that grace the baseball field for at least 162 games every year.

But there are so many other options than the nicknames that are on this list. I mean, Gardner? Come on, man. And Tauch? You know what it should be, my friend.

Here are some of the missed opportunities for nicknames…and not just for the Yankees.

1. Tauchman: The Sockman

This is a big swing and a miss from Mike Tauchman. I guarantee that he has heard John Sterling’s unique and hilarious call for him.

Instead, he chooses “Tauch.” How boring can that be? We all know who you are, Tauchman. Trust me, we’ve seen your game-winning bombs and your ability to talk to everyone in the dugout regardless of how much they want to listen to you or not.

We know who you are. Now make us happy and give us the nickname we have waited all year for on your jersey. I’ll certainly buy a replica.

2. Boone: Papa Savage

Sure, Aaron Boone had a bit of a temper tantrum when he went off on the rookie umpire. But that resulted in multiple t-shirts, tweets and millions of dollars in profit. Plus, a good laugh.

So why can’t his nickname be something other than “Boonie”? It has to be something related to his savages rant or else it means nothing.

So, “Papa Savage” it is. He is the leader of these savages and it should be known.

3. Gardner: Mr. Clean

It can’t just be “Gardner.” I get it. Brett Gardner never had his last name on his jersey through any of his leagues. But … he did it last year. It’s time for a change.

So why not use “Mr. Clean”? The looks are similar but also, Gardner is an absolute clown. This would be funny.

Trust me, it would be the most hilarious nickname on the team. Yes, even better than Giancarlo Stanton’s “Parmigiancarlo.” It would be that good.

4. Urshela: GiOAT

He would never do this. But if we could convince him to, this would be the perfect name for Gio Urshela.

He currently has chosen “Gio” but that’s just not good enough. It doesn’t encompass just how valuable he is to this team. He is truly the GOAT.

Give yourself a little more credit, Gio. You are worth much more than simply a “Gio” stitched on the back of your jersey.

5: Chris Sale: 0 Run Support

“The Conductor”? Seriously? What train is Chris Sale conducting? Because guarantee it’s been experiencing some rough starts (and stops).

So let’s make them a little more Yankee-centric, shall we? How about “0 Run Support” for one of our favorite lefties to face on the Boston Red Sox.

Seriously, his team does nothing for him. I guess it’s kind of hard when the Yankees are hitting .322 off the ace and he has a 9.90 ERA against them in four games this season.

The only thing he is conducting right now is a rotation that won’t make it past September. All aboard!

6: David Price: Son

Is this self-explanatory? Good.

Who’s your daddy, David Price?

Well, there you have it. There are so many more opportunities for success here in the nickname game, but sometimes, it just doesn’t pan out.

Yankees, please take these things into consideration. I think they’ll make Players’ Weekend that much better.


NYY

NYM

NYG

NYJ

NYK

BKN

NYR

NYI

NJD

SJU