The New York Yankees dropped the first series of the 2019 season to the Baltimore Orioles and the crazy takes are flying on Twitter.
Death, taxes, and New York Yankees Twitter overreactions. These are the only three things I know I can count on in this world. No matter what, I know with absolute certainty that twitter takes will fly any time the Yankees lose a ballgame.
So without further ado, here are my first Yankees Twitter highlights of the 2019 season:
The “Fire Aaron Boone” section
This is one of the strongest sects of Yankees Twitter. Whenever any decision is made, you can count on these fans to make sure everyone knows the truth. The truth is that it’s all Aaron Boone‘s fault and he needs to be sent packing.
Aaron Boone… Giving up on games since 1956
— Armand (@Armand27) March 31, 2019
Damn, 1956? I never knew Booney was punting games since the days of Mickey Mantle and Yogi Berra. I’m really glad he acted out of character when he hit that big home run in 2003 to send the Yankees to the World Series.
— Gordon Kast (@fofop05) March 31, 2019
Short, sweet and directly to the point. Gordon has no time to waste in his never-ending pursuit to get Boone fired.
The power of pressure. Yankees looked stiff and ill at ease. Orioles, with no expectations played loose. I think hiring Aaron Boone was the worst thing Cashman could have done
— TheRealGreg (@UnitedWhofans) April 1, 2019
I think this one has me convinced that Boone isn’t the guy. I’d probably be more skeptical if I wasn’t positive that this opinion came from the real Greg.
At least Bobby here has a suggestion for who the new manager should be. All I ask is that Yankees Twitter comes to me with solutions, not problems.
Why is Aaron Boone still in pinstripes.
— StantonFraud (@FraudStanton) April 1, 2019
This one is great because it’s also a subtweet at Giancarlo Stanton. It’s hard to gauge whether he hates a 100 win manager or a 2017 MVP more.
Fire Boone, ship stanton, DFA Bird
— Jake Greene (@jakegreene_161) April 1, 2019
Even Greg Bird isn’t safe from the Aaron Boone ricochet shots. Nobody tell Jake that you can just send Bird down to Triple-A without cutting him.
— Robert Pizarro (@pizarro809) April 1, 2019
Robert put a deadline on firing Boone. Somebody start the clock on #BooneWatch2019.
The ‘This team is an embarrassment!’ crew
This is my personal favorite group on Yankees Twitter. These “fans” hate the Yankees so much that they’re completely incapable of saying anything positive about a team with 100 win potential.
This team sucks, thanks hal hope you're happy counting your money that you didn't earn and were born into cheap piece if shit
— Pat Moore (@PatMoor32033002) March 31, 2019
Pat “this definitely isn’t a burner” Moore came on strong today. He made sure everyone knew that the Vegas favorites to win the World Series actually stink. And he was not shy about calling out ownership for pinching pennies, having only the third highest payroll.
Keep up the good fight, Pat!
Whattt the actual fuckkkk ??? Embarrassing.
— ~Angeliki Marie~ (@AngelikiMarie) April 1, 2019
Please ~Angeliki~, watch your language! Twitter is a family site.
The @yankees suck smoke roast and boil cock
— Michael (@Yankeessarcasm1) March 31, 2019
This is just a big-time yikes moment. I’m not even entirely sure what that means but my internal voice makes it sound really aggressive.
The “completely unrealistic trade” crowd
This is another personal favorite of mine. These twitter GMs know one thing and one thing only. How to turn “force trades” on in MLB The Show. Ask any one of these tweeters and they’ll tell you how to turn three double-A relievers into two young all-stars.
The Yankees’ biggest flaw was the 2017 offseason… removed a game from the WS, they could’ve gotten any of Yelich, Cole, or JDM and all they did was resign CC and trade for Mike.
— DJ LeMahieu fan account (@yankeesin2019) April 1, 2019
Twitter GMs shine when they can examine decisions from two years ago. Now, they have the luxury of criticizing the move to bring in the 2017 MVP instead of players who weren’t as proven.
Before 2018, nobody knew Christian Yelich was going to become an MVP. Nobody was positive that J.D. Martinez would get even better than he was the year before. No one predicted that Gerrit Cole would turn into a true ace. Nobody but a DJ LeMahieu fan account.
— Eddie Sapienza (@Eddie_Sapienza) April 1, 2019
This is just preposterous. On to the next one.
Yankees should trade DJ and Hicks and get a real starting CF
— Nick (@Nick57456442) April 1, 2019
I don’t think Nick has seen the defensive statistics that Aaron Hicks boasts in centerfield. There aren’t too many players in the game that are more effective up the middle than Hicksy is. Also, we just got DJ LeMahieu. Why do we want to send him away so quickly?
Yankees should let Didi go, trade for Lindor who is 3 years younger, and better in every category
— Mike Washburn (@mwash1983) April 1, 2019
Mike made the crucial mistake of thinking that the Cleveland Indians would move their young controllable star just because Brian Cashman asked them to. Rookie mistake, Mikey.
— NY Shyne (@CanesPhins) April 1, 2019
MLB The Show force trades don’t actually happen in real life! Not to mention that the thought of the Yankees outright releasing Brett Gardner, thhe longest tenured player and clubhouse leader, is laughably ridiculous.
Please trade Gary Sanchez who is terrible player
— Darshak Desai (@darshak_desai) March 31, 2019
Darshak doesn’t care what time the game starts. All he cares about is informing the Yankees that it’s in their best interest to trade Sanchez. He has done the kind service of informing the professional baseball team that Mr. Sanchez is a terrible player. Thanks for looking out for the squad Darshak.
The ‘still not over Machado and Harper’ clan
The healthy thing to do is to enjoy the excellent players we have now instead of talk constantly about how much better you think we could have been. The homegrown player next door beats the supermodel free agent every day of the week and twice on Sunday.
I know it’s only three games into the season, but… The Yankees are 1-2 against the Orioles. Bryce Harper already has two monster home runs.
— Ricky (@RickyShahzada15) April 1, 2019
Stop the presses! Bryce Harper has two home runs! Missing on this guy even though we had no place to put him will haunt us for the entirety of the 13-year contract he received.
I’m just fuming right now thinking about those Bryce Harper homruns in Yankee stadium going into the second deck. BRUTALLLLLLLL
— Nick Rocco (@NR0CC0) April 1, 2019
Don’t worry Nick, the Yankees have plenty of guys who hit the ball into the second deck already.
— Vince Pazienza (@vincepaz1230) April 1, 2019
Please, Vince, give the Yankees another chance. This fan base is nothing without you!
"On Sunday, the Yankees left the bases loaded three times."
~Didn't need Harper or Machado
— Netflix & Phil (@philgalletto) April 1, 2019
Netflix & Phil is a really uncomfortable Twitter name.
— Kevin Connor (@KevinTConnor) April 1, 2019
Shelling out $300 million to make sure the Yankees beat the Orioles seems a little bit excessive. It feels like the team as it stands should be able to do that enough this season.
Whenever I'm down to my last at-bat in the bottom of the 9th, I definitely want Troy Tulowitzki at the plate for the @Yankees instead of Manny Machado.
— Michael Parente (@MichaelParente) April 1, 2019
League minimum Troy Tulowitzki and $300 million Manny Machado have literally nothing to do with each other. If the Yankees signed Machado, Tulo would have been cut and the team would be out a few thousand dollars. They didn’t want Machado for $300 million. Tulowitzki played no roll in that whatsoever.
Machado is laughing his ass off watching Yankees sink!! Cheapos
— Velma Zamora (@VelmaZamora18) March 31, 2019
I don’t think Manny Machado is going to be doing a lot of laughing from San Diego. To the best of my knowledge, they aren’t expected to have a particularly strong year. They certainly aren’t odds-on favorites to win the World Series.
I’ve found the only true way to survive it is to rip all the bad takes in article format. I have a feeling this is gonna be a huge year for New York Yankees Twitter and I will be here to keep track of it all.