Manny Machado
(Photo by Patrick McDermott/Getty Images)

We’re stuck in a Yankees time loop that resets every time somebody claims to have a source with knowledge of the Manny Machado situation. It will never end. 

Kelly's Comments

It seems like just yesterday that idiot Dan Clark was announcing that his source said Machado would be signing with the New York Yankees within the week. What a happy day that was. I remember reading the string of quote tweets from Yankees Twitter, whipping around to my coworker and exclaiming “F— yea! Machado is gonna be a Yankee!”

He’s a New York Mets fan so I suppose it wasn’t very kind of me to rub my team’s massive offseason victory in his face.

I now believe it possible that the karmic retribution for that action is the long-winded, never-ending, and always contradicting string of Machado rumors I’m tormented by today.


It’s caused Yankees Twitter to descend into internet cannibalism that would be considered extreme even by apocalyptic standards. Former retweeters are now insulting each other’s families over Machado contract specifics. Unfollows and mutes are being tossed around as if differing opinions were the true Bird Box monster all along.

New York Yankees

Great Yankees Twitter leaders like JoezMcFly now spend their days fighting off attacks from uninformed and generally unintelligent tweeters rather than spreading positivity within the fanbase of a 100-win team.

Even the Blue Checkmark writers have abandoned all sense of professionalism.

It is utter chaos.

And it gets worse every day. Every single “reliable” source for this news is saying something different.

Buster Olney said the deal was for seven years, $175 million.

Ken Rosenthal tweeted that Machado’s agent said that report is completely inaccurate.

Mark Feinsand shared an official statement from Lozano regarding the contract.

Some who are loyal to discovering the truth have been keeping track of all the contradicting reports.

Nobody can make sense of any of it. The Blue checkmarks are supposed to be the ones we turn to when we want the most accurate updates but even they can’t get everything squared away.

I fear this is a purgatory which will never end.

And to think all this madness started as a result of me bragging to a coworker about a completely baseless tweet from Dan “who the hell even is this guy” Clark.


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