LeBron James
(Photo by Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images)

LeBron James has just about had it with the Lakers slow start to this season. What would The King look like once he’s completely had it?

The Los Angeles Lakers stink. To give a point of reference to exactly how bad the Lakers stink, they currently have the exact same number of wins as the New York Knicks.

Not great. So not great that it manufactured this quote from the LeBron James.

Oh boy.


“You probably don’t want to be around when my patience runs out.”

Some might say LeBron isn’t thrilled about his current situation. It’s clear that he’s uttering a thinly veiled threat but knowing what I know about LeBron (he’s a dweeb), I put together a list of possible punishments for when he does lose his patience.

Tell the younger guys in the locker room he’s not mad—he’s just disappointed

Oh, god. Just typing that makes me relive the memory of drawing on the wallpaper in my childhood home with a sharpie. 

LeBron sees himself as a father figure to the Lakers and telling his teammates that he’s disappointed will hit them right in the gut. They hear that and they’ll never use a shar- I mean they’ll pick up the effort on the court for sure.

Canceling the locker room book club

This one is particularly devastating. LeBron telling his teammates they’re not allowed to read and discuss “The Godfather” for the 13th time will for sure light a fire under the squad.

The King won’t be happy if he can’t discuss his favorite book at painful length.

LeBron goes back to Cleveland

This one is a slam dunk. Everybody knows when the going gets tough, LeBron gets going to another city. Returning to Cleveland gives the media a good story and LeBron the opportunity to feel like the most important human that’s ever lived.

Everyone is the organization is forced to drink box wine instead of his beloved vino

This one hurts LeBron just as much as it hurts everyone around him. The King fancies himself a wine connoisseur and banning everything but Franzia will only serve to make him more determined to win games on his own.

I imagine if LeBron had to stoop to the level of state school sorority gatherings for his alcohol consumption, the team would step it up to avoid really angering him.

He could allow Lavar Ball out of whatever media hole he’s been buried in

Nobody wants this. Lavar Ball is a nightmare. The only good thing LeBron has done as a Laker is making us forget Lavar even exists. Don’t let him undo this. Please.

Forcing everyone to watch him dance to Drake before and after every game

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This one requires no further explanation. It’s absolutely horrifying.

God help us all if he wears that soccer mom outfit every day as well.

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