Tyler Austin Pawtucket
Robby Sabo, ESNY Graphic, Getty Images

In a ridiculous move, the Boston Red Sox Triple-A affiliate has decided to ban fans named “Tyler” and “Austin” from games.

According to Nicolas Parco of the New York Daily News, the Boston Red Sox’s Triple-A affiliate, Pawtucket Red Sox, have enacted a new stadium rule as part of the “Evil Empire Weekend” promotion.

Fans named “Joe” or “Kelly” will be allowed free admission to the game while fans named “Tyler” or “Austin” will be banned from the stadium.


Of course, all of this is coming off the heels of the Tyler Austin-Joe Kelly brawl that allowed everybody to feel that Yanks-Sox rivalry pumped up again.

Nonetheless, have you ever seen a backup first baseman occupy so much real estate in the head of an opposing organization? I haven’t. Tyler Austin has clearly had the Red Sox absolutely shook since throwing down with reliever Joe Kelly.

A Triple-A affiliate is holding a promotional weekend based on a team that’s their big league club’s most storied rival and its visiting Triple-A affiliate is absolutely ridiculous. Why don’t you just rent a billboard along the Cross Bronx that says “We are terrified of you.” At least that would be a little bit more subtle.

Not only are the Pawtucket Red Sox using the far superior Scranton-Wilkes Barre Railriders to draw a rightfully uninterested fanbase, they’re actually banning people who reveal their name to be “Tyler” or “Austin” from the stadium. The only things that level of pettiness hurt are the fans who share a name with the Mike Tyson of baseball and the ticket sales since people named “Joe” and “Kelly” will be admitted for free.

New York Yankees

The organization is so terrified of the Yankees first baseman that they can’t even risk having people in the stands that go by either name. It’s too traumatizing to fans to be reminded of Austin running up on Kelly. They can’t handle reliving the memory of their entire team getting manhandled into their own dugout by the Monstars.

It also seems like the Red Sox might be trying just a little bit too hard to convince the general public that Joe Kelly actually won that fight. Not only did Aaron Judge make Kelly look like a misbehaved child through the use of an emasculating headlock, but the weak-spined reliever actually jumped out of the way of the charging Austin at the last second.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. The whole incident started when paper-thin skinned Brock Holt took offense to a breakup slide with absolutely no harmful intentions by Austin. If the whole team is willing to go to bat for someone so soft it’s only natural that the organization would try to do something passive-aggressive to really stick it to those damn Yankees.

One thing is for sure: if the Red Sox organization is pulling stunts like this, the Yankees are living rent-free in their brains. I predict an out of control spiraling nosedive for Boston the second the Yankees start to put it all together.

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